Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
