We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
