Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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