Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
