3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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