I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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