wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
