as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
