let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
