he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
