drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
