So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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