I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
