Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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