I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
