Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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