Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
