I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
