I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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