I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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