My room smells like vodka and shame
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
