maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
