Are we in a gay sports bar?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
