Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
