We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
