if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
