His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
