i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
