I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
