her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
