i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
BRING THE BAGELS
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
