i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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