i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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