Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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