last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
