Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
