i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
