My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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