Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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