Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
