dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
