So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
