That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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