Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
