Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
