Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
