he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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