my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My dick has a subreddit
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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