Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
