You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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