I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
